What I learned From/About My Facebook Friends Today


What I learned From/About My Facebook Friends Today: Two cats died, another is very ill. One dog found a new home. Someone was in a frightening car wreck resulting in a totaled vehicle and a couple minor injuries. A baby’s heart was heard for the first time. Last week some people hung out in the desert half-naked and burned some stuff. In a discussion regarding which movie is most infinitely quotable, Commando, Predator, or Robocop, the most agreed upon answer was: “Get away from her...YOU BITCH!" is the worst one-liner from Aliens. Poor delivery. Too contrived. Somebody’s watching Girls for the first time and loving it. A man tried to smuggle weed into a Washington state jail by tying it to an arrow and shooting it at the roof of said jail; he missed. There’s an old man in a restaurant on the other side of the world “liking” every picture on a young girl’s page. I know this because I’m FB friends with both of them. George Zimmerman is still a violent gun wielding asshole. Football Hello Kitty is adorable! Nobody knows what to do about Syria. Somebody got their email hacked. Monday night was a "marble" craft night. Yesterday a man and his 16-year-old female accomplice shot and killed a man and injured another with a crossbow. Today they were apprehended. A dog sat in front of the TV, tilted its head and watched it. So did a cat. A girl is sad because she worked the last day at a job she loved. Three people had birthdays that I would never have remembered had I not been on FB today. Some tennis guy won tennis again. You can hurt yourself twerking. If you do, it’s the ultimate fail. Ann Coulter has to stoop so low for any one to pay attention to her horse-faced idiocy that she asked, “Why is gassing Arabs a bad thing?” Cuddles are good. One woman is very sun burnt. There are a few people who like to cook. Lots of people eat out, but not Italian. Italian restaurants like to take Mondays off. Frogs! Based on profile pictures, some people I know have turned into babies, dogs or cats. Perhaps this is the inevitable evolution of man in the digital age. Today was so boring someone took to reading every article they could find on cleaning supplies. Yard Sale! This Saturday the 14th from 10:00 – 2:00, just off Dekum at NE Junior and 17th, in Portland. Probably be some good shit there. You can get a coffee cup that looks like a camera lens! The McMillan family has shunned all technologies invented after 1986. American Football is happening despite the world knowing how much this year’s Super Bowl halftime show is going to blow. 1 in 10 men in six different Asian countries have admitted to raping a woman who was not their partner. A friend found a new house to rent. A flat beer from the night before was found by sense of smell alone. A new Van Gough was discovered. Björk’s pre-Sugarcubes Goth band Kukl is getting some play. One vegan is pissed. Another is making new recipes for her awesome blog. A couple is gearing up for dinner at Animal. I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE! A husband convinced his wife they had been married for 5 years. She looked it up. It had only been 4. When wondering together what it means, a compromise was struck when they realized it’s been 4 and a half years.